During the Winter months it’s common to feel a little down, which is why I typically emphasise the importance of gratitude and take intentional steps to be thankful at this time of the year. I noticed a few years back that I tended to feel symptoms associated with anxiety at the start of Autumn. My first memory of this was about 6 years ago when I felt a sudden wave of panic at the thought of summer coming to an end. At the time I thought it was to do with a new academic year beginning and needing to work harder to get my certifications. I told myself that it would all be okay and the slight panic that I could feel rising subsided, but the dread remained. The cold season has never been my preference. Unlike Elsa, the cold has always bothered me. I chucked it up to personal preference and a twist of fate that I was born in Autumn instead of Spring or Summer.
It wasn’t until 2018 that I realised that there might be more to this than just the downsides to an introverted personality. I was crying every day for about a week and didn’t know why. I felt a deep sense of despair and hopelessness and I didn’t understand why. At the time, I was between jobs, moved homes and had just enrolled on a Masters program. Yes, all this was tough and tasking, but I had been through worse and didn’t have to deal with feeling unmotivated as a result. In the grand scheme of things everything was fine and I had everything that I needed. But I was still really sad. Rather than give in to the feelings, I resisted it, didn’t tell anyone what was going on, hid my tears behind forced smiles, and tried to get through it with positive confessions. “We walk by faith and not by sight”, “Faith over feelings”, “God is more real than what I am feeling”. It wasn’t working. I felt more emotionally worn out, with each confession. My constant smiling made me feel like a fraud. I was faking it, but never making it. I eventually broke out of it, and I will come back to what exactly helped me, but I want to highlight the importance of knowing what it is that you are facing.
I firmly believe that you cannot fight something that you refuse to face. Whatever it is that is troubling you be it a health issue, a bad habit, an addiction or even debt, if you don’t face it you’re never going to overcome it. This doesn’t mean we lose faith, or that we stop praying. It means that we channel our faith in a specific direction and pray specific prayers. For me facing it was knowing that this was seasonal affective disorder. Knowing this meant that I could channel my energy into taking care of myself in a suitable way, I can refrain from things that could be a trigger and open me up to relapse and I could better position myself in prayer. I know that SAD is not my portion or my inheritance in Christ, so I positioned myself accordingly. Because I knew what I was up against I could fight back in faith with the invisible weapons at my disposal. That is what the fight of Faith is; Fighting a battle that is not visible to the physical eyes, but will yield (positive or negative) results. I have learnt that invisible battles can leave very visible scars. I have had to learn to fight better and smarter.
Counter attack is my favourite way of dealing with issues like these. Winter blues and sadness in general, causes us to want to withdraw and isolate. A little down time and alone time is good and healthy, but it can lead to other things like self-piety, self-loathing, low self-esteem, increased sense of hopelessness and worthlessness, these are all friends of the enemy, which can be used to keep you away from joy, gratitude, healthy relationships and communion with people around you. Instead of giving in to the narrative of loneliness, spend time with people. Don’t go over board and plan an elaborate party, which may make it worse. Just find 1 – 3 people who you can sit with, talk to or engage in a mild activity with. Being with and talking to people is a great way to regain perspective.
One of the things that I find often happens when we feel down is that we lose clarity. We don’t have a clear picture of what we want or where we are going. This is because we are so overwhelmed by the predominant feeling of sadness, which distracts us from our objectives. A great way of counteracting this is by writing. Journaling has a way of organising our thoughts. When we write we not only think about what we want to say, but we also think about how we feel as we say it and how we want to say it. This is a good way of practicing to process our emotions. We all have emotions, but in order to learn how to control our emotions we need to process them first. I would suggest writing no more than 20 minutes daily, and encourage that you end each journal entry with a positive statement. This could be something you are grateful for, something you look forward to, or a good memory from the past.
The symptoms of depression, seasonal affective disorder and some other mental health illnesses, include physical and emotional tiredness, lack of motivation and reduced interest. Because of this people often develop feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. A great way to combat these thoughts and feelings is to revisit previous achievements. The other morning I went back and read the devotional I completed and published last year. I was blessed by what I had written, I took my own advise and applied some of the scriptures that I had written down. The things you create through God’s creative power become a memorial for you. You realise that although you don’t feel it right now, there is a powerful deposit inside of you that can only come from God. Your life is a testimony! Go back and visit your moments of triumph, your personal victories, your achievements and your testimonies. You are definitely worth more than you have achieved, but you also need to remember that you are more than what you feel. If you journal and take notes of good days and also take pictures, I would recommend that you re-read older entries and look at those pictures again. Use them to remind yourself that better days are coming.
Whether it is SAD, depression, anxiety, end of year stress or anything else, you can overcome if you will chose to believe that you can. Get help facing it from loved ones and health professionals. Help is always available if you reach out for it.
We Grow in Faith 