Many people in many parts of the world are celebrating their fathers or a father figure in their life today. I love how we have set aside days to adhere to the scriptural principle set out in Ephesians 6 to honour our fathers and mothers on designated days. Aware of it or not, it is God’s desire that we do this and having a special date to commemorate this purpose allows us to check ourselves to see whether we have been living in accordance to what God has told us.
I know many people who have lovely things to say about their (biological) fathers. They recollect what their fathers did or said to them as they were growing up. They often speak of the investment their fathers have made. However, I know of many more who do not share in this experience. I belong to the latter group.
For many years Father’s day was an emotional event, reminding me that I didn’t have many great memories with my father. It made me feel like I was missing out and more than anything I realised that my father had fallen short of his role and in doing so, failed my siblings and I. I also became more aware of the immense burden my mother carried, because she chose to stay, and carries the responsibility of two people and plays the role of a father as well as that of a mother. This realisation hurt. The pain of loosing your father to the hands of premature death is indescribable, but very different from knowing that he chooses to be absent.
You have someone to blame, someone to hold to ransom. You can’t mourn because he isn’t dead and you most learn to honour his memory even though he hasn’t earned it and you are forced to accept his decision in spite of what you want and need.
How do we reconcile? How do we get to a place where we have peace, and I mean real peace, not the numb feeling that takes hold of parts of your soul? Thankfully, the answer is found in Matthew 18: 21- 22.
How often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?
No, Not Seven times, Jesus replied, but Seventy times seven!
For a long time I thought that when Jesus told us to forgive a person who offends us four hundred and ninety times, it meant that an offender could only count on my forgiveness for wrong doings on 490 occasions. Firstly, the temptation and implication of that interpretation is that we keep count of the wrong doings of others. It also means that we keep record of what people have done. There is no way of keeping accurate count without remembering what people have done. Walking through life so far and experiencing situations where I have had to forgive, I have come to understand that the forgiveness you extend for one specific action is not a one time gift. More than often you have to keep forgiving a person over and over again for that same offence. I find that long after the wounds have healed and the scars have faded you still need to forgive. It’s a battle waged on your mind to take out your heart. If I keep forgiving over and over again for every single thing that has been done to me, even after removing myself from situations that may be causing me harm I take significant steps towards wholeness and inner release.
Today, I can say that I don’t feel hurt or pain or numbness, I don’t cry in self pity about what could have been or should have been. No, not anymore. Instead, I focus on honouring my Father with the gift that never gets old. A gift that we can both share. I have a priceless gift even for the next 490 Father’s Day. How much more so, when I know that my heavenly father forgives me countless times more than that.
We Grow in Faith 